1998

(While looking through the writings of my past for stuff to put up on my blog, I found this particular piece interesting for its nostalgia. It took me right back to 1998.)

In the last year, several things have occurred in the world that would seem too ridiculous to believe if they were fiction. I have concluded that I have somehow lost all touch with reality and I am dreaming. Perhaps I am in a coma. Since I don't know how I got here, I have no idea how to get out. Here is my collection of evidence that supports this contention. I would welcome any suggestions on how to wake myself up.

The Nation
The Washington Post and the New York Times, two of the most liberal organizations in America, have been leading a media assault on President Clinton over compelling audio-taped evidence that he was having his knob polished by a young White House intern. If true, Clinton is guilty of perjury and may also be guilty of obstructing justice. In his testimony, President Clinton did testify that he had an affair with Jennifer Flowers, something he emphatically denied in his 1992 presidential campaign. The Clintons are blaming the whole thing on a partisan conspiracy. Furthermore, several allied nations including France and Russia are accusing the U.S. of instigating a military crisis with Iraq to shift national attention from the president's legal problems. A movie, called Wag The Dog, just completed its run in theaters and tells the story of a fictional president that first blames partisan politics, then fabricates a military crisis to shift national attention from the compelling story of a sexual encounter with a young girl in the White House. To add to the surrealism, polls indicate that the public strongly believes the president's denials and supports him in this matter.

The Federal Government is forecasting a budget surplus for 1998, the first year since the Eisenhower Administration. An argument is raging on Capitol Hill over what to do with the extra money.

Sports
The wild card Denver Broncos beat the Green Bay Packers in the Super Bowl. The victory was mostly due to the strength of the Bronco's running game.

The U.S. soccer team beat Brazil 1 - 0 in an international soccer tournament, on Tuesday. Brazil is widely believed to be the best soccer team in the world. The U.S. goes undefeated into the tournament's final match on Sunday. In the 68 year history of the U.S. soccer team, the U.S. has never before beaten Brazil - in fact, they have never before even tied Brazil - in fact, they have never before scored a single goal against Brazil.

The PGA will now be forced by court order to allow professionals to use golf carts in tournament play if they have a note from their doctors.

Mike Tyson has been banned from boxing for biting off Evander Holyfield's ear. Boxing industry leaders are now worried that the sport's reputation will be tarnished by Tyson's association with an upcoming wrestling match.

Anything relating to Marv Albert.

Finance
Stock investing genius and second richest man in the world, Warren Buffett has lately been investing billions of dollars in silver futures and zero coupon treasury bonds. Throughout his career, Buffett has been an outspoken advocate of buying quality stocks when they are cheap. He has frequently advised investors that it is foolish to ever try to time the market. Silver futures are bets about the short term fluctuations of the price of Silver on the commodities exchanges. Zero coupon treasury bonds are most commonly used to speculate on short term changes in interest rates.

Movies
The next big-budget Hollywood extravaganzas include Sony's Godzilla starring Oscar and Tony award winner Matthew "Ferris Bueller" Broderick and Lost in Space starring "Friend" Matt LeBlanc.

In the past, I have had dreams where I jumped off of buildings. I always wake up just before I hit the ground. If, by chance, I am mistaken and this is not a dream, and I jump off a building after watching Lost in Space, then you’ll know what happened.